What does it mean to be equals in today’s Society?

What does it really mean to be equals in today’s society? What truly is important to you in your relationships or dating in general?

Now I wrote a similiar piece on my more fledgeling adultish site SeanAntonio.com but I wanted to elaborate and expound upon this idea more. So alot of what I say will be taken directly from that article. Now when I say relationship or dating, I don’t mean sex buddies, friends with benefits (FWB), or one night stands. Isn’t Balance and Love the goals of human relationships? Everyday… all day, even when it’s tough? Some want to make someone their best friend. They believe it’s the best way TO fall in love and keep it going. Is that possible? Some want someone to control or to be controlled. Is that desirable? Are we jaded in our ideals of what we want in a relationship? Or Love in general? Steven Covey in his book, “7 Habits of the Highly Effective Person” says that, “Love is an action before it’s a feeling.” What if the feeling is aggressive or passive, does that count? What makes one type of love different from another? According to NIH, (National Institute for Health), our relationships affect our mental health, health behavior, physical health, and mortality risk.

Simple issues like who should pay and what does a good relationship entail, He/She “should” be doing this or that,  are serious issues now that destroy great relationships or possible relationships. So much like Matt Hussey did in his video, that I’ve posted in this article, I’ll address the paying issue first. First let me say, that I was raised a gentleman by my Grandmother, and in any relationship I’ve been in I’ve endeavored to be just that. With that being said, I’ve learned over the years that equality and balance to some, are just another excuse to control. I’ve had these discussions with many of my psychologist friends, psychology teachers and just debating about it on the whole for decades.

So let me ask you this. Is it a double standard that a man should pay for everything on the dates? Many of my female friends feel that most men they go out with and meet should, and that men just want them for sex, and I respond many women that those men meet just want them for their money. Now I don’t specifically mean a Gold Digger, that happens often as well, I mean, buy her a drink, take her out, pay for a movie, with her knowing she’s not going to sleep with him, pay him back or be in a relationship with him. Most studies say, a woman knows in the first 10 mins if she’s ever going to have sex with a man. Controversially speaking, my male friends and I have calculated how many dates we use to go on, and our so called “success” rate. No, that does not imply that we got laid, but rather, did it bud into a relationship, and maybe, did we have sex with them, lol. That wasn’t our purpose for dating, but let’s be realistic, we aren’t children and that level of intimacy is craved by most.  Here’s where the double standard comes in, we’ve calculated that the majority of our dates did not go as planned and if you’re anything like me and my friends, meaning your generous, that just means you’re out $40-$70, for that one night on my! No, it’s not about the money, it’s the principle on it. I typically pay for my friends, family, kids, dog, etc… The point is we would take these women on date after date, paying for everything, and getting, let’s be honest, nothing. Oh I’ve heard, you’re paying for the benefit of my company. What?! That sounds like I’m paying for an escort or prostitute. At least with one, and some would say both of those I’d get sex and someone laughing at my jokes!

And here is the double standard, well you’re a gentleman, you SHOULD be paying for everything! Should?! That’s a dangerous word. It can also be said that you SHOULD have sex with me since I paid so much for your “company”, but that’s not PC to say… Wait, I’m not PC! So I’m saying it. Once again, I was raised a gentleman, so yes, I naturally want to take care of my woman, not my date. See the difference there?! You go out with someone, anyone, guy or girl. You don’t truly know them, you don’t know if anything will blossom, so let’s drop $100 and see what happens. WRONG! Dates aren’t about money, they are about getting to know one another. Anyone that know me, knows that I am NOT cheap! I love extravagant things and places, however, if I don’t have the money, I don’t want to go. Why? Because as a gentleman, I want to pay for everything, because that’s what was instilled in me to do! However, I’ve learn many lessons thru my time dating and try to share them with my friends.

1. If you’re going on a date, pick a neutral place, like Starbucks or someplace convenient to you both, then make it an adventure.

2. Go after lunch or after dinner. This way you don’t have to pay to try to impress her, and giving you time and hopefully the ability to do it on your own.

3. Really get to know her and tell her about you. It’s not about her! It’s not about you! It’s about you both! For guys, LISTEN! For ladies, ASK!

Remember this, “A woman wants a guy to FEEL like a woman, and a man wants a lady to THINK like a man.” We are NOT the same, any relationship therapist, psychologist, Doctor will tell you that. We are emotionally, mentally, hormonally, and biologically different!

4. Treat each other with the respect and stop thinking the other SHOULD be doing something. There are just as many cultural, geographical, religious and societal differences as there are differences between a man and a woman.  Drop the expectations, they are fantasies in your own mind, and if your partner or date hasn’t agreed to them, they aren’t valid to hold against them.

Now after the first few dates, and if there is still that spark, by all means pay for things, as a gentleman, or agree together, that’s the key word, on how you two will split the bill so that there are no surprises and everyone is happy. Communication is the key to dating and relationship success. Ladies, men want to see effort. It isn’t just about you. Or rather it shouldn’t be just about you, it needs to be about you both. As much as you want him to spoil you, you need to remember to spoil him. He can’t be a gentleman, if you really aren’t a lady. That’s unfair. Let me address the elephant in the room. Yes. Women do statistically make less than men, not all woman, but most, so does that mean you shouldn’t contribute? No. At least offer, show his some kindness and you’d be surprised at the return on investment. Which ultimately is what he sees you as, an investment into his future, his happiness.

We can all agree relationships can be good for you, says Psychology.com. There are many different views on relationships… some purely for selfish gains, or control. Some for financial security or to be taken care of. Some because they desire children. Some are just lonely and want someone to spend time with. While many others get into a relationship just for sex. And just as many just want someone to spend time with, without ever really committing to that someone. Those are very selfish reasons, and ultimately will lead to their demise. There is no one answer, or one way to love. Whatever gives you happiness, might not be for everyone.

Dr. Phil has a list of Relationship Myths, See if you can find a way of improving or even saving a relationship that your currently in. Here’s the link to Dr. Phil Relationship Myths page.

Psychology Today also has a great article on the 7 Keys to Long-Term Relationship Success, they discuss things like communication, trust and more, while giving you additional resources to make your relationship shine.

The bottom line is that every relationship is different, and we all have ups and downs, but the most important thing in any relationship, is effort and respect, everything else will come if its meant to be.